I realize I’ve “gone crazy” more than once in the last couple of years, but such is life especially when you’re a survivor of cyberstalking. Let’s talk about what it is and what happens and the prevalence of this in our community. After watching patterns and paying attention for two years, the cult of cyberstalkers and stalkers in general is a microcosm of the Epstein macrocosm. I have tracked this to Florida, to New Mexico, to Oregon, to Utah, to Tennessee, and I feel quite sure—everywhere in between. Let’s dig into what happens when you’re being stalked…and invited repeatedly to join a Satanic cult.
First of all, online communities such as the rape academy that’s been featured in the news that I heard about on my Instagram is an example of such an online cult / community. If you haven’t heard about the rape academy, it’s an online collective of largely men who go on there to learn how to drug and rape and film their wives in their sleep—or to let other men rape their wives, but there’s also content involving sexual activities with minors and with corpses. These people are not okay…nor are they save, and if that hurts their bums to hear, well, suck it up buttercups. The underpinning of this is entitlement, and it goes back and beyond into the beginning of the patriarchy, which is not burning fast enough for my tastes.
I know I’m not the only person to endure this because I thankfully had people randomly tell me their stories. For example, one woman who wrote for Buzzfeed who lives in Fairhope raised the alarm during the 20-teens when the school reading list was overtly conservative to the point of isolating non-cis and non-white students. She implored the principle at the high school to reevaluate the list, but that endeavor failed. What resulted once the Buzzfeed piece went viral was cyberstalking that was almost exactly paralleled to mine.
The people target you online. They don’t care about your humanity or your sanity…they just harass you because they don’t like what you’re saying. I know that I have—since Sean died, been saying what is happening now needs to happen. Sean died as a direct result of hexavalent chromium exposure at the 403rd at Keesler AFB. I was gobsmacked at the lack of accountability on the part of the “men” in that unit—and above and beyond. Because they knew. For a decade, bio was documenting the exposure in the breakroom and elsewhere in the shop, but they didn’t remediate it. Nobody did anything about it. It never went up the chain. More nefarious was that when Sean was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2017, a year before he was diagnosed with cancer (which an oncologist from MD Anderson said the colitis was likely a precursor to the cancer), his boss failed to do his due diligence to report the illness through proper chains of command because he knew that would trigger a visit from OSHA because those GI ailments—colitis and the like, are largely caused by environmental exposure. In short—they murdered my husband and failed to take accountability for it.
I collapsed mentally and emotionally when Sean died. He was my best friend, and he was a genuinely decent, honest, and ambitious man in all of the right ways. He was the kind of person you hope to meet, you hope to become, you want to marry. He made marriage something I wanted to do again, which of course at this point, I will never get legally married again. I have witnessed too many women (I know, men suffer this, too, but less so) trapped in financially abusive unions. I have seen women deprived of their rights to vote and to do other things that we should all have legal and equitable access to.
I never experienced oppression—or rather, I never realized I’d experienced it. I was telling a friend that despite my parents encouraging me to be progressive—get an education, be independent, etc., there was also this unstated expectation demonstrated through action that I should stay home until I got married. But I knew at 17 that if I didn’t get out of their house, I’d never truly know who I was. I didn’t move out until I was 22, and I did so of my own volition—I was starting to have a social life for the first time in my life, and if I came home past a certain hour if I went out after work, I was admonished. Meanwhile my brother and his best friend would take long and meandering walks in the wee hours of the morning while he lived at home, or he’d go play video games at the university in the late night hours. It wasn’t fair. It doesn’t matter what the activity is—I was an adult, and I needed my freedom, so I found an apartment and moved out without any help whatsoever. I lived on my own, and I genuinely loved my life, but I have been trying to “figure it out” every day ever since, and I have had to fight conditioning to have courage to speak up, to use my voice, to stand on my own two feet. Everything I have done has been at the resistance of conditioning or patriarchal oppression, and with all due respect, those things can fuck off.
Cyberstalking is patriarchal oppression. Marriage is patriarchal oppression because I concur wholeheartedly with one of my best friends in that a piece of paper isn’t what made me faithful to Sean. It wasn’t the ring, which by the way was free…it was the ring I wanted, and while I definitely think it holds a curse…both my mom and I had it, and after the first marriage, we both ended up with a man like my dad, who is a product of his generation. That’s about all I can say. I love my dad. I love both of my parents, but to be sure, I didn’t see the kind of marriage I had modeled. Sean had the patience of God because it took me such a long time to really accept that I deserved the kind of respectful love and attention and kindness and compassion that he gave to me. We weren’t perfect, and we had to work, but the fact that he was so open and that he respected and adored me so much made all of the difference in the world. You want a happy life? Make sure you have a happy wife. I’m the most devoted woman there is when I’m treated well by someone who genuinely respects and values me for who I am and not just how I make them feel. For the person who came next, I was a prop for his social status.
When he realized I couldn’t be controlled, he started what is called a”smear campaign”. If you’re not familiar with narcissistic behavior, then permit me to explain. This is one of the patriarchy’s oldest tricks in the book—tell everyone a woman is crazy. Drive her crazy. Get proof that she’s crazy. Let the sycophants who believe the mask spreading the lies do the rest. Because problematically, these people have cultivated the ability to hide their sadism, to hide their resentment, to hide their cruelty, and to hide their abuse behind closed doors. It’s the man goes to work, is a standup dude in society, is a helper, etc., but then comes out and takes all of his impotent rage out on his family—who he largely neglects and fails to help out with. I’m glad to see this being more exposed. Let’s put it this way—I had to work hard to learn to respond and not react, and I had to learn that with friends, too, while all of this was stressing me out. I now realize I get triggered even when people aren’t fully invested in who I am but only want to use parts of me for whatever their own needs are, and it hurts like hell to be treated like I’m disposable or an option. So, I had to learn. I know I’ve probably burned bridges that will never be rebuilt, but this is also life.
In the late spring of 2023, I went to Topanga, CA and LA for a private women’s only experience where I got to meet Tara Schuster who wrote Buy Yourself the F—king Lilies. Her book saved my life in the fall of 2019 when I was being aggressively targeted by low-vibe dudes on social media because it’s like there’s a list out there—they know when you’re single, and single women are a huge target for the patriarchal adherents. Why? Because a single woman is dangerous to men. And what’s more, this is actually a form of trafficking. When one is done, another one steps in. I know this for free because in 2024 after I escaped the devil, I had a brief FWB with a person I’m still friends with. I paused it because I started dating someone I genuinely fell fast in love with—just a major energetic connection or at least that’s what it felt like, but that ended, and then the FWB just never really picked up traction, but they suggested I go out with a friend of theirs, and I was like, “What? No.” It was a pass-off, which is trafficking. Once one is done, they just ship them off to another one.
The proliferation of dudes blowing up my DMs and following me on Facebook was even more pronounced in 2024 after I escaped the devil. Now, there are rules to this—unspoken, but rules. One rule is that you’re allowed to use your “no”. You’re allowed to have a choice. Trafficking and abduction do not happen the way it’s shown in movies where someone just snatches you. Trafficking has to have an element of complicity to it, which is why this is all psychological warfare—my arena, thanks much.
This is why patriarchal conditioning toward women is so important. Women have to be conditioned to be polite, to be helpless, to desire men, to centralize men, to want to do the work to be pleasing. We are taught this from girlhood, and it takes concerted effort to change. It has taken two years for me to learn that I’m not rude nor am I a bitch for wanting my time to myself or for saying “no”. The more they can get you to do for them, the more control they have.
They aren’t outwardly evil. They will often do things that are helpful or offer to help you. They come across as innocent and genuine, but it’s a front. I knew this in December 2019 when I was doing enneagram stuff with my holistic therapist (4 with a solid 5 wing in case you’re wondering), and I had the devil do it, but they wanted it insist that they were a 2—the helper. But there are dark helpers. The dark side of the 2 is resentment toward those they “help”, and this person definitely wanted to be perceived as a helper and a hero—they are neither to me…which is also why they chose me…all of these men had delusions of being the white night, of showing up to rescue the widow. This is evidenced by his self-aggrandizing post from November of 2020, which was the anniversary of the day we reconnected IRL. He posted a long, grammatically-flawed self-aggrandizing post about our relationship before he even texted me that day. A friend of mine pointed it out and said it was gross. I agreed, but my hands were seemingly tied. If I said something about it, I’d look like a bitch. I wish I’d been willing to look like a bitch. I wish I’d taken every possible exit that presented on the highway to that hellacious relationship, but I didn’t.
And I’m sure that when I went to Topanga, the devil was jealous that I said Tara saved my life—not him. But his biggest beef was that I purchased a plane ticket without telling him, and I wasn’t traveling with him. From the word “go” he attempted to control and suppress my travel bug. He lost his mind every time we talked on the phone that trip. Once again—an exit ramp I didn’t take.
But at this point, he decided he was done, and when a narc decides they’re done with you, they start laying the groundwork for your dismissal. I know he has “been around” for a while. Someone told me recently that he was “the guy” for wheeling and dealing cocaine back in the day when he was a bartender. I knew he used to deal, but I didn’t know what level he was on. So, I know he knows a lot of players, and since he’s so good at masking, nobody would know who he really was behind closed doors unless someone decided to tell the truth. Haaaaaay. He should have just let me go. FAFO, doucho.
I digress. That’s when he started to tell people I was crazy and make videos of me reacting to his abuse—such as the time he assaulted me when he recorded me looking for me phone despite his insistence he had to go to bed (he was mad I was still looking for it instead of doing what he said). Now listen, I’m making assumptions about when he started to DARVO me, but suffice to say—he did.
He may not be a pedophile, but he had no way of knowing if there were any in the container he put me into with his DARVO BS. In his egomania, my children’s safety and my safety were irrelevant. He never loved my kids, and he manipulated the most innocent one even after we broke up. Still livid AF about the impacts these people’s conduct had on my children and family, and my only peace comes from knowing that Sean is out there and will deal with them.
But I know that 2023 is about when it started because one of his friends whose name came up in 2024 when the man who sexually assaulted me showed up at his house as being linked to that dude’s internet phone number. I screenshot it.
I started to pay attention to where all of the attention was coming from—Fairhope, cycling community, Wilmer, Shaw high school graduates, Theodore, Pascagoula, etc. They were all about the same age—around 50. I had to learn to stop responding to the DMs. I had to learn to set stronger and healthier boundaries. I had to learn to slow down and take my time. I had to learn to say “no”. I had to learn not to care what anyone thinks about me, which is good because a former version of myself would’ve likely un-shoved myself out of the sheer mortification of the things that I’ve done while I’ve been driven insane.
Breaking out of the cultural mold is not an easy undertaking, but by the grace, the most genuine and loving and authentic friends have been in my corner to hold my hand the entire way, and for that, I am grateful.
But I digress…this is the problem with rumors and gossip. People believed someone else before they believed me, and I think some just saw me in that container—wherever it is these lunatics do their colluding (dark web) and felt like I’d make for a good snack. And I think they do this to a lot of women.
The Shaw guy who SAd me on February 15, 2025 is affiliated with a house whose occupants destroyed the golf course’s club house back when a private owner was trying to rebuild it, and who harassed a single woman who lived across the street with dark magic and laser lights through her window. They drove her so crazy that she moved out. They tried to do that to me. I’ve caught people on and around my property.
Now, those are the physical things—again, they want to push it far enough that they don’t get caught or arrested for illegal activity, even though the entire thing is criminal, which is why cyber crimes are so much easier.
This involves hacking, viruses, monitoring you through your device camera, hacking your Google Nest or Ring system, getting into every nook and cranny they can. They love using apps. You are the most hackable through social media apps. I recently got back on Facebook, but there are bugs and glitches. I refuse to get the app. I only got back on to promote things and to share my writing. It’s such a double-edged sword, but I needed a break, and I needed to just…do a cleanse. Again…I burned bridges.
But I was so exhausted and angry at the entitlement of it. I had one guy—who in many ways seemed like a decent dude, who wanted my attention (oh, yeah, there’s a lot who work in construction, too), and he genuinely though that a good way to wake a woman up was with sex. I’m like dude—that’s assault. Literally, it’s a form of rape to start having sex with a nonconsenting person unless you’ve both mutually agreed that it’s acceptable. (Oh, and side-bar…abusive and narcissistic partners never let you sleep or sleep in…they have no respect for your need for rest, and if anything, they prefer you to be tired and demoralized, so you don’t have the strength or the fortitude to resist or leave or whatever.)
And do you know what that sounds like? It sounds like the patriarchy because our entire system is doing everything in its power to deplete us energetically, so we don’t rise up and resist the increasingly demoralizing atrocities that are transpiring. The absolute irony is that the dudes on the micro level are using the same tools that have resulted in their resentful anti-woman loneliness. Make it make sense. (I’m trying.)
All of this went on for two years, and I realized that the only way to stop it was to stop responding to it. That’s it. It’s that simple. But equally, I also had to realize that I was going about it the entirely wrong way. In 2024, I didn’t report it to the police and have my former partner investigated and arrested because I knew he was all façade, and I know that people who are internally cowardly are predisposed to self-harm to avoid accountability. Which is why some people call unaliving the coward’s way out, which in reality—it’s not. I’ve been down that rabbit hole more times than I care to say. I’ve never had a plan, but I have been so defeated and overwhelmed with such a deeply internalized sense of brokenness, where I felt like I was the biggest mistake in the world and where everyone would be better off if I wasn’t here that I know it’s not cowardice for most of us.
I wanted to allow time for the devil to change, but if anything, they doubled down. I know this because their sister had the audacity to suggest that I was flawed for not letting the devil still see my kids after we broke up because he loved them like they were his own. Um…my kids don’t need a deadbeat dad, so hard pass, muffin.
Once again—I digress. Another element, and this circles back to the memoirist who lived across from the house occupied by the sexual predator who assaulted me—they target single women. They do things to negatively impair our ability to get jobs or to thrive without the intercession of a man. By the grace, I’ve always worked either in academia or online for entities and individuals who aren’t from here.
But the impacts and damages of all of this are real. I had trust issues with anyone new coming into my life. I had trust issues with any new opportunities online or via phone. I just had to do the right thing and trust my instinct, and as a result of pattern recognition and an increase in claircognizance, I have been able to sustain.
One of the most essential things that I did was decentralize men because the reality is that the universe had been telling me since 2019 that I was meant to do this on my own. I knew that when that relationship with the devil ended that I needed to be on my own and to “figure it out”. The universe has continually designed that I remain single even as I’ve met men who have shown me the kind of man I deserve to be with, but this isn’t the season for that because we have to finish this systemic collapse because the reality is these online communities still exist. People know the truth, and they refuse to share it either due to their own participation or to the fact that they really don’t see women and children as being fully actualized humans in their own rights.
But that’s how it works—they work collectively to drain your energy, your focus, and your morale. I was driven to the point to where I didn’t want to live anymore because of the harassment in 2025 because it felt like everything was falling apart. It was deeply hurtful and incredibly inhumane. And while one person has apologized, it’s still not the same as a revelation, which is coming.
Why am I talking about it? Because I recreated my Facebook the other day for professional purposes—to promote teaching classes and to share my writing; however, there are glitches. I can’t leave comments, and my entire computer screen kept using the Facebook icon as the home screen on my iPad even though I’m not using the app. Make it make sense. So, I know that “they” still exist, and I’m deeply disappointed in the reality that people choose to live this way rather than focusing on their own creativity and aspirations.
What to do if you’re being cyberstalked or stalked
It took me a while to realize I was being stalked / cyberstalked. It took me a while to realize that the opportunity to fly my drone possibly for income in fall of 2023—the devil helped set that up, was actually a ploy to demoralize me when the situation didn’t work out. Actually, I just felt like wow—that dude runs such a huge company and doesn’t even know that his team already hired a drone pilot? Like, weird. But okay.
It took me a while to realize that the devil saying he’d buy “the” ring (even though I said I just wanted one piece of jewelry as a gift for the first time in literally four years because I’m sentimental) and then failing to do so was to hurt me. It was to punish me for Topanga.
It took me a while to realize this because I’m not sadistic or malicious or vengeful, though, that person projected that onto me because that’s why they are. I know. I lived with them. I know the perverse pleasure they got in others’ suffering…especially when they felt there was an element of moral retribution to it. I don’t know how or why I lived with it other than the fact that we are conditioned to respond to familiarity more than novelty.
At this point, I know that if it feels different than what’s normal, it’s probably good for me, so I choose that.
If you’re in a situation where you’re being stalked, get evidence. Keep screenshots of everything. Look up phone numbers. Change passwords to things like your WiFi, for example, if you have a former partner who has the code. They will use that to hack your cyber system, and at that point, it gets harder to track and prove.
The devil wanted me to end my own life. I know that because I found where his name was listed as a legacy contact in my phone, which meant he’d have full access to my device and data in the event of my demise. They worked hard to isolate me from my parents, which briefly worked, but thankfully nothing is more powerful than my love. Importantly—I didn’t get that phone until after the devil vacated my life, so I know that was the ultimate goal, and they almost succeeded, but ultimately, they failed, and the fact that they didn’t stop compelled me to contact the authorities to report the physical assault and to turn over my entire Google Drive of evidence to a detective.
But so much damage has been done in my small, gossipy city. There are so many people who believe that person, who are kind to my face, but who probably talk trash about me behind my back, and to that I say—why?
But in addition to documenting, I highly recommend reporting the incidents. Physically go to the police station and report, report, report. Police don’t take cyberstalking as seriously, so definitely make sure that you report any physical intrusions.
For your own benefit—don’t panic. The only way they get access to you is if you allow it. They target single women—and I’m talking about people like this in general, people who are part of this cult, people who are part of the NXVIM cult and others like it (like the DOS sub-cult aimed at making women slaves…and that required female slaves to recruit other slaves—tell me that doesn’t give you Epstien). The recruitment is easy enough—if they can get you to commit a criminal act or something you don’t want exposed, they can use it to manipulate you. With the women in the DOS cult, they used sexually explicit image and stories about them to give them leverage for blackmail. (Pro tip: live a totally honest and transparent life, and people can’t blackmail you.)
For example, the devil used my struggles with AUD (alcohol use disorder) in the aftermath of my husband’s death to manipulate me. His story was that I was an alcoholic, and he kept me stuck in a shame spiral for the majority of the relationship. He employed the same lies he used with his now-deceased former partner to intimidate me—he threatened he’d get my kids taken away from me to control me, and for a while it worked, but eventually it didn’t. Even after we broke up, his broken record of texts (screenshots are in the Google Drive) kept accusing me of going out to much, abandoning my kids, and drinking. None of that was accurate. Yes. I have struggled with AUD, and I take full accountability for all of my actions and mistakes, and I work hard to amend those by not doing them again.
However, once again—he was projecting. He was the one who abandoned his daughter to be a wheeler and dealer in a bar and to “party his nuts off” back in the day. See, everything is a projection. I projected love and light onto him. He projected selfishness, recklessness, and vengeance onto me. We are not the same. Thank God.
So, if you read about the NXVIM cult, you’ll see they did the same types of things. Speaking of—I was asked repeatedly to join a local Satanic cult, and with all due respect, that’s a hard pass. But the reality is that there is so much out there to manipulate people into cultish mindsets and behavior. There’s currently a popular indie video game called Cult of the Lamb that has you gather followers and use things like sermons and what not to build your flock and then engage related gameplay. It made my stomach feel unctuous to read about it, but that’s what’s out there.
That’s what these men and young men (largely) are doing, and it’s pure indoctrination, which is how the microcosm stays afloat. Turn it into a game. Make it harmless. Make it easy. Make it fun. It’s not.
People like cults because they give them permission. The people I engaged with were always super forgiving about various things that I used to beat myself up over because I have such ridiculously high standards for myself, and I’m a recovering perfectionist and by that I mean I still struggle with being too harder on myself when I feel like I’ve guffawed or made a mistake.
I think of all of the things that I’ve had to leave behind. Because of the negative impacts on my mental and emotional health, I’ve deleted my Facebook twice. One goal in all of this is isolation—they felt that if they could keep me away from my friends, I’d be easier to manipulate because they want single women who are polite, vulnerable, and afraid.
There were times I was. I asked a man I met (I dreamed about him last night, actually) if things got really harrowing, would he come live with me, and briefly…I really felt that…also I genuinely loved him for exactly who he was. This was when all of the media was just exploding with Epstein corruption, and it felt so big that I didn’t know what to do with all of it.
But now I realize that the way these cults operate is with you willing agreement. As I’ve written, I was almost trafficked in Italy, but I got away from it, but the way it was initiated was that the men who approached me did so under the guise of offering to be helpful, and if I had let them guide me away, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
And why? What’s the point? Power and control for one. But also entitlement. Some people just want to see what they can get away with. Some people are legitimate sex addicts, but all of it goes back to the overarching purpose that aligns with the elites…because as Raniere’s lawyer argued in the situation with the NXVIM cult (which I ironically heard about through Tara Schuster’s second book, Glow in the F—king Dark) everyone was consenting, however, if there are threats that when and if you leave some shameful aspect of your existence will be exposed—such as when the devil tried to manipulate me—it’s abuse. The goal was to make women subservient to men, which is the priority of the patriarchy. The leader of the NXVIM cult engaged in sexual activity with several minors—teens. They forced them to remain thin. He even went so far as to brand them.
You guys…these people are everywhere. These cults are everywhere. But they can only “get you” if you give your power to them. That’s why being fiercely independent is important. That’s why you have to be cautious about who you let into your lives. Think of the number of men who date women only to SA their children. That’s why I’m single by choice at this point. Because these people can and will play the longest of the long games to get you, and if you are inclined toward group think, if you aren’t comfortable existing on your own, if you’re the kind of person who just needs another person, you are putting yourself at risk for being DARVOd like I was by the devil and stalked, pursued, and unjustly persecuted, and problematically—as I’ve noted it’s very hard to prove, and you cannot make them stop.
But you can and must stop giving them your power. Stop giving them your attention. I’ve had to become the most disciplined and principled version of myself, and I’m doing it out of love—love for my amazing children. Because even though I have made new friends and met people who may or may not be in a cult, my children not only are never going to be far from me, but they also know to never go with anyone I’ve introduced them to. I’ve told them who is dangerous and who isn’t. Because all it takes is familiarity and comfort and conditioning to do as the devil did to me in our relationship—boil the pot slowly. The abuse in that relationship didn’t start out that way, but it grew worse over time. Once I was jacked on dopamine from being love bombed, I was in hot water, and I have journals that reveal exactly when it started—it started early.
I am sure that if there are tutorials and guides online that tell men how to roofie and SA a woman, there are tutorials that teach the f—ked up art of love bombing.
Don’t allow it.
I know this kind of went all over the place, but I hope it makes sense. I just want to help other people not be lured into a cult that could lead to SA, trafficking, and other abuse. Because that’s what it is. Anything that lacks accountability and aims to control you while dehumanizing you is abuse, and God, you deserve so much better than that. I know that my girls and I do, and I thank the universe, Sean, and everyone else looking over me that I have been protected and have been one step ahead the entire way.