A friend of mine on Substack asked me this question one day—do you think that after everything you’ve been through that you can love again? I’ve been contemplating what that would mean, what that would mean having to overcome.
Read moreFinding life after death
In a matter of weeks, it will be seven years since Sean died. I, too, wanted to die. Not right away. I could intellectually accept the reality that he didn’t survive the cancer he battled so hard, but I couldn’t process it.
Grief trauma doesn’t always hit you like a ton of bricks. It did when we lost Jude, but with Sean, it matriculated in, like an IV drip of aching and longing and overwhelm and of separation with the self that I was when Sean was still alive.
Read moreReparenting for Self-Approval and Validation
Look at the movies we grew up on—and the music? The soundtrack of our lives was all about blind devotion (looking at you, Whitney “I am nothing without you” Houston). Romantic comedies that all ended with the girl being chosen by the guy proliferated. Before that? Disney poisoning. The Little Mermaid is literally a movie that prioritizes a young woman giving up her voice, her power, for a dude she meets once and then using her body language (image) to persuade him to choose her (pick me!), which he does. Then, as if she’s property, gets to be with him because her dad gives her his blessing and essentially gives her away. Literally, what the f—k.
Read moreWhat is group cyberstalking and how you can handle it if you’re targeted
The reality, too, is that because this form of abuse (group cycberstalking) is so novel, it’s often misunderstood and misdiagnosed as a psychiatric disorder (the hyper vigilance and paranoia can mirror schizophrenia as pattern recognition is a vital aspect of tracking group stalking behavior). But I will say—being group stalked does have very real psychological consequences.
Read moreEmbracing energetic celibacy for shifting timelines
I’m calling it energetic celibacy, which is where I fully protect my energy by only giving it to energetic soul connections that are fully respectful of it. The reality is that I am open to a partner again, but clearly that’s not happening on this timeline. I know this is a season for fully choosing myself, writing, and focusing on my kids. I know that by keeping my head down and concentrating exclusively on that, I’ll be able to keep raising my frequency and will one day meet or reconnect with someone (anyone but ugh obviously) who is really willing to invest in me as much as I am with him.
Read moreThe insidious reality of psychological warfare against independently-minded women
When I left the hospital, I fully dialed in this reality—the people who targeted me wanted to control me, to gain access. I can’t make them do the right thing and turn in the highly illegal actions that have been taken against me that clearly had no concern for the negative impacts the behavior was having on me psychologically. Fine. But I can control my attention.
Read moreHow choosing yourself & walking away restores inner balance
We all have a balance of divine feminine and masculine within us. We are born as souls—our souls are genderless—we are born in a male or female body, but the duality must be balanced within us, which is why I am so drawn to men who openly embrace their divine feminine. I used to buy flowers for my husband. I was the one who grilled. But he was the one who fixed cars. I was the one who cooked dinner. These are just tasks we all should learn how to do—not gender roles, which is an absurd concept.
When we restore balance within ourselves, we restore it in society. But this means genuine reverence and respect. This means having the courage to choose. This means self-discipline and controlling one’s desires as it pertains to the other gender. This also means self-sufficiency.
Read more“Weird” things I do that work for me & where I am in life now
So, that’s where I am. That’s who I am. I’m just a person who is always trying to do better and to level up in the game of life. I assume, perhaps mistakenly, that other people are trying to do the same. And otherwise I’m just meeting people where they are and wishing the best for them.
Read moreHow predators actually show up
Here’s what real predators look like if you’re a single woman with children.
1. They pretend to be helpful. They try to offer you help in some capacity—let me do some work around your house—whatever. They’re trying to get an “in”.
2. They all think that complimenting you is going to disarm you. Ladies, don’t let flattery be your downfall.
Read moreWhy we have a predator and a pedo problem—and what to do about it
One person responded to my comment pondering if women are considered “ugly” when they get older or if it’s just the current climate. My take based on observation is this—emotionally immature (read: narcissistic) people (most commonly men) prefer girls and younger women because they’re easier to control and have yet to learn to set boundaries.
Read moreUnmedicated: My holistic toolkit for managing stress & healing trauma wounds
I wrote about my “mental health melee” experience back in April wherein I checked myself in for evaluation at USA following a nervous breakdown that’s the direct result of ongoing pestering from people online. My pattern recognition is so strong that I kept seeing what seemed like textbook identical behavior from people. My ultimate understanding was that I had to truly protect my energy—I had to draw all of my attention—energy and power—back into myself.
Read moreWhat decentralizing men feels like (and how I did it)
I had to burn down a bajillion times. The patriarchy only has to burn once. But one day, we will all be free of this conditioned nonsense. But that starts with going inward and decentralizing the external. When I walked away from one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, I saved myself, and I took back my power, and guys…I rather like it. I think I’m going to keep it.
Read moreDie with a Smile
I say we are all connected like Rio Celeste, like a river that runs through all of us because we are, and my friend sent me a link where Glennon Doyle uses the same metaphor to describe our connectedness. We all have our boats—our purposes, our priorities. We can’t take on every issue, but we have what we have…mine is love and relationships.
Read moreAnd I hope you make me dance
And that’s true. No matter what happens, when you left, you were my husband. I became a widow. Not a divorcee, not a single woman. A widow, and like you said, and as I’m sure you’d expect, not a conventional widow. Like you said in your letter…a Ms. Scarlett, the widow who wears black and dances with a blockade runner at the charity auction, the kind of woman who digs in the dirt to plant seeds so she can rise again, the consummate survivor.
Read moreWhat I learned about cults from two years of being stalked / cyberstalked
I realize I’ve “gone crazy” more than once in the last couple of years, but such is life especially when you’re a survivor of cyberstalking. Let’s talk about what it is and what happens and the prevalence of this in our community. After watching patterns and paying attention for two years, the cult of cyberstalkers and stalkers in general is a microcosm of the Epstein macrocosm. I have tracked this to Florida, to New Mexico, to Oregon, to Utah, to Tennessee, and I feel quite sure—everywhere in between. Let’s dig into what happens when you’re being stalked…and invited repeatedly to join a Satanic cult.
Read moreNobody hates you because you voted for trump, but…
The gentleman, who was obviously a little past tipsy, started on this random diatribe—“I mean, some people hate me because I voted for Trump. Because I support Trump.”
And I really had to work to control this face, but at the same time, I was trying to assuage his fragmented esteem. But here’s what I didn’t say…
Read moreDo you even know what you want?
In a world where normal is determined by what the majority is doing, it can be really difficult to discern what you want authentically for yourself.
Read moreThings I’m thankful we did for a happy marriage
I am fully aware that even though our marriage was short—less than a decade—it was a success, and what’s more at the point that Sean died…we had finally figured out what life was really all about.
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