Wednesday, July 1
I just got back from Costco, and I feel drained—the same thing happened the last time I went to Costco. I’m increasingly reluctant to leave the house for much of anything these days. It’s not because I’m a hermit. It’s not because I’m introverted (I’m more of an introverted extrovert). It’s not because I dislike people—I actually love people…even the ones who aren’t necessarily the best actors. The reality is that the energetic frequencies of the general public are so overwhelming to me sometimes—especially when I’m in large crowds.
I was standing in a line where the cashier was a little bit slow, which was fine, but I kept feeling the overwhelming intensity of all of the people cued up around me. I had no reason to be in a rush, so I wasn’t feeling impatient, but other people were, and I was picking up on those frequencies. In hindsight, I should have done an energy cleanse—just grounded and breathed in and pushed the breath and the energy that wasn’t mine out.
I’ve been watching different things on energy as well as how we impact one another’s frequencies recently, and the reality is that our attention is a huge variable in what we absorb or bring in.
I’ve talked about dating and relationships and my decision to end a situationship, which did, unfortunately, affect what was otherwise a wonderful friendship, but I had not been respecting my own needs to have healthy boundaries around my energy field in that I was allowing myself to be treated as optional with someone who said we “have no future”. Respectfully, I understood this, and something within me knew as I flew back to the United States from Costa Rica that our relationship as it were would end soon without fully knowing why.
I know he was a soul connection I was meant to have—I gained so much from our brief time together, just like I did from the person I dated very briefly in 2024, and honestly, the same is true of the abusive person I dated after Sean died—that also a soul connection I was meant to have in this lifetime. All of these people are here to help us become more authentic if we choose to accept the assignment, and every time since (and including) my husband—I have. I also have non-romantic soul mates—friends who have been in my life going back as far as sixth grade and some who I love dearly who I’m no longer in touch with but will always appreciate.
I know that time does not exist on a linear plane—time exists as a spiral, and we are either soul cycling upward or backward or remaining stagnant on our journeys. Things that are fixed are our incarnation and our expiration. Understanding this has enabled me to stopped dwelling—giving energy—to soul connections that have been removed. It also helps me understand how I can meet one person and not see them for years or decades only to have them come back into my life again—that’s evidence that they’re part of my soul contract—they spiral in and out of my life at the moment our vibrational frequencies align.
Thus, I see more clearly now that when I changed the nature of the situationship to friendship, I shifted my frequency and leapt timelines, which is why a friendship didn’t sustain, though, we’re both open to seeing one another again if the universe means that to happen. Certainly, our compatibility as friends and lovers would make that welcome if we are ever both on the same timeline again.
As summer lumbered into fall in 2024, I knew I would need a time of aloneness, of celibacy, to reach certain levels in my timeline. I spent the time after that doing the absolute opposite of that and—as one of my soul sisters said—sowing my wild oats, which has been fun, but after my leap in April of 2026, I’m ready keep to soul cycling up.
One area where I have been giving my energy away is by responding to conversations that demanded my attention but that don’t necessarily respect or mutually invest in all vital aspects of me as a person. There’s someone who doesn’t live here who I’ve been talking to since the autumn of 2024—mostly talking on and off, but with conversations that lack depth and substance other than an obvious physical chemistry. We’ve connected a few times, and what’s the harm in sexy texting, right? There’s not—unless you want to jump timelines.
It’s been almost a month since the last time I saw him, but I’ve officially decided to no longer respond to that energy because it’s not at the frequency I want to be at. Our sacral chakra is the one that holds capacity for sexuality and creativity, and I have been wanting to focus more on my creativity, but if I give that energy to sexting, then I have less of it for my own creativity.
This, at least in my experience, is how energy works. And to soul cycle upward, to leap timelines, we have to respond in a way that’s different from our previous behavior. A simple question I ask myself is—is this in alignment with where I want to be?
When e shift timelines, certain other things can change. For example, this past weekend, we had our 25th year high school reunion. I went—partially to redeem myself from the tenth where I drank way too much and felt incredibly awkward about myself afterward (but I will add that someone I saw said “we all did” and respectfully, thank God).
On Friday, we did a social gathering, and the last person I spent the evening talking to was someone I reconnected with for a brief period in 2019 after Sean died. They’re also literally the only person who flirted with me in high school only to return after a weekend with another girl as his girlfriend. I will own that at that age, I dwelled on the discomfort of what felt like rejection for way too long.
I got over it—obviously, but then the opportunity to reconnect happened again in 2019. I’d already grown and matured a lot but still had a very long way to grow. The connection faded as quickly as it began, but I do recall one night, we’d met at the Mellow Mushroom on the corner of University and Old Shell. I left and got a flat tire on the way home not far from the restaurant. He came to help me change the tire since we’d literally just left. Fast forward to Friday night at the social—he was the last person I talked to, and on the way home at the apex of Halls Mill and DIP, I got a flat tire. Say what? I called AAA, and it was fine. But I did joke at the main event that he couldn’t be the last person I talked to before I left. He was, but I got home without issue.
Still, I’ve seen patterns and synchronicities from 2024 and 2025 over the last couple of months, but this was the first one in a minute that took me back to the end of 2019. I haven’t discerned what it all means, these encounters, but I do know that it’s an invitation from the universe to choose differently in some capacity to continue quantum leaping through timelines.
I promise—I’m not crazy in talking about all of this. With CERN being shut down, I’ve heard a lot of people describe timeline jumps—things not being where we thought they were—or suddenly being found or lost. I experienced that yesterday when I had the flat tire replaced. I remember clear as a bell the clacking lug nuts from the spare on the back of my Jeep being dropped into the well that held the jack. When I was at the tire place, I told the guy with complete confidence that was their location, so I was surprised when the man came to ask me where they were. I went out to show him, but they weren’t there. They were nowhere to be found. I know I’m not crazy. I know the tow truck driver dropped them in there along with the camera cover and socket wrench still attached to it. But they absolutely weren’t anywhere in the Jeep. Thankfully, the tire place had some that were the right size, and I just bought some more. But things that happen like that are how timeline shifts work.
Timeline shifts are often imperceptible, and things going missing suddenly can indicate when you’re shifting. I went back a long way after Sean died—essentially to the same low, insecure, vibrational frequency I was in during my early 20s—this was the timeline when I dated my first avoidant painter who was not abusive but who was very hurtful in the way he was not interested in investing in who I was as a person at all. That was my first invitation from the universe to reparent my childhood wounds and soul cycle up and out of that relationship. I’d initially done that by choosing myself and leaving him, but then I took him back…and then he reconnected with an ex from high school and essentially broke my heart. It took a long time to get over that one. I met Sean after that, and we vibed at a solid frequency for the duration of our marriage, overall.
I digress. After Sean died, my vibration dropped, which is how I ended up with my second avoidant partner—only this person also happened to be a totally malignant covert narcissist. If I’d been more aware, I’d have recognized the signs of misalignment and quickly addressed the issues the universe was once again inviting me to address—all of those unhealed childhood wounds because both partners activated unhealed childhood wounds of insecurity, abandonment, low self-esteem with symptoms like disordered eating and AUD, imposter syndrome, etc.
When I first started dating the abusive partner, a necklace I cherished went missing. My Chloe sunglasses went missing. Other things went missing with no clear rhyme or reason. The sunglasses had been sitting on the counter, and then they were gone. The first piece of jewelry Sean gave me vanished. I still remember—it was 2009, and I was sitting in bed. We were watching Top Chef, and he presented a lovely white gold diamond solitaire necklace to me. In 2019, the chain on the necklace broke, and I had it in the truck to take to the jeweler to have it replaced, and then it just vanished. The chain was there, but the pendant was gone. I searched that truck high and low for years looking for that pendant. The universe was trying to signal that I wasn’t in alignment with the timeline I’d previously been on. In that case, even though that relationship was essential for me to witness unhealed childhood wounds and heal them, things wouldn’t start to work out until I did.
It was only through doing the work and leaping up in my timeline, changing what I tolerated, changing how I responded, changing what I was willing to put up with, that relationship was able to end fully. He kept trying to pull me back down, but I was gone, and now I’m vibrating at such a higher frequency than that person, I know they will never be able to come back even if they wanted to, but I don’t think they want to suffer.
So, I’ve made the choice to jump again—and this time it’s by really protecting my attention and energy. It’s not because there’s anything wrong with this soul connection as an individual or how we’ve been communicating because there’s not, but I have to take the challenge to fully respect my sovereignty and to align with my authenticity. I’m calling it energetic celibacy, which is where I fully protect my energy by only giving it to energetic soul connections that are fully respectful of it. The reality is that I am open to a partner again, but clearly that’s not happening on this timeline. I know this is a season for fully choosing myself, writing, and focusing on my kids. I know that by keeping my head down and concentrating exclusively on that, I’ll be able to keep raising my frequency and will one day meet or reconnect with someone (anyone but ugh obviously) who is really willing to invest in me as much as I am with him.